Monday, August 22, 2016

My Heart Tells Me



It is a cool, overcast Seattle morning. A silent calm fills the neighborhood. I am silent as well. My pen has been silent for too long. I wait in silence for the re-release of my books after the demise of my publisher and the signing with another. I wait in silence for medical updates on a sister's health after the loss of two other beloveds to cancer only months ago. I wait in silence, in a silent home, for the arrival of family to fill these rooms in joyous anticipation of our daughter's wedding.

A summer of waiting, of silence, of holding in tears. The tears of pain and joy so intermixed I find myself teetering, equilibrium at times difficult to maintain. I support the worried and grieving as well as the joyous as best I can, knowing what I offer is never enough. It will never be enough.

The losses will always be felt, but with time and patience the flood waters of hurt will recede. Though there may be glitches in the perfect wedding plans, the bliss will always be cherished, the memories locked away, a balance against future losses.

In the silence of one gray Seattle morning, I reminded myself there will always be losses and new beginnings. My heart told me to put pen to paper once again, knowing life's challenge is learning to negotiate the extremes.

12 comments:

Sheri Nugent said...

I am sorry for this sobering time you are experiencing. I wish you well as you endure the overcast and quiet - and hope the sun returns soon.

arleen said...

Thank you for your kindness, Sheri.

Jan said...

Oh boy Arleen. I thought I was having a rough summer. Hope things improve quickly. Hugs, Jan

arleen said...

Rough, but joyous too with my daughter's wedding Labor Day weekend. Such contrasts. Thanks for reading and commenting, Jan. I hope for improvements in your world as well.

Pamela said...

So much big stuff.Glad you're negotiating that balance. Looks as if you've found a strong line.

arleen said...

It's that act of putting pen to paper. If I can remember that tool, if I write daily, I'm better for it. Thank you, Pamela.

Mindy Halleck said...

Looks like we're having very similar summers. Keep writing, it always helps. Take care of you while attending to others. Mindy

arleen said...

Thank you, Mindy. Sage advise. I hope you have the joy of a wedding in the mix as well!

Eleanor Parker said...

Big hugs, Arleen. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I wish your daughter and your family a joyous wedding day.

Dana Gaskin Wenig said...

Hi Arleen, I sure miss seeing you, and i am very sorry for your losses. Silent pen here also this summer. My dog, who is better now, almost died a few months ago, and a months-long tragedy unfolded around my 13-year-old nephew who was kidnapped by his father and abused. These things have passed, at leqst the acute stage, but the pain lingers and niggles at my own memories in ways that call out my pen again. I work at the Ravenna Third Place Books now, Sat., Sun., and Mon. closing shifts. Would love to see you. I may make it back to the green tables soon.

Dana Gaskin Wenig said...

And congratulations to your daughter!

arleen said...

Hi Dana,
Thank you for sharing. I'm glad you're still writing. We will reconnect, of that I'm certain.
Arleen